Marvelous Happy Things

 "Date someone at your church. I'm sure there's someone in the young adult group who's looking to date." "Group dates are a great way to get to know a lot of people." "Always carry money for a cab or prepare to call a friend if things go south." "Never meet him in a private place unless you know him really well." "He's a Christian-- so you won't have to worry about him making a move on you." Some of this advice is alright, while some of it is not. It's the more subtle situations that are difficult. If he isn't saying explicit comment x, y, or z, is he still "making a move?" Or is it a compliment? A difficult example of this is when comedian John Crist made comments to a woman while they were spending an afternoon together. She was later criticized by members of the general public for not understanding his suggestive meaning. Conversations about the current culture and dating safely are necessary, th...

Author's Note: Learning about the Bible and discipleship did take place in my youth group, though this post is not focused on these topics. Our leaders guided discussions as they should. To my friends: I hope this post brings back good memories and you laugh a little as I try to explain our friendships and romantic experiences. Was it normal for this much romantic activity to happen in one youth group? Feel free to comment with your thoughts.  My high school youth group had an interesting phenomenon. Our group had a lot of “lovesick” teens. Meaning that plenty of my friends dated people in our church or people from school and would bring them to church. We had a player in the group who flirted with several girls. Friends would see a pair who spent a lot of time together (whether it was on a retreat or a mission trip) and speculate on their relationship. None of our leaders encouraged the dating relationships, probably because most of them did not last. I remember a conversation b...

I first learned of the concept of emotional purity in high school (around 2013) after someone suggested I read the book Emotional Purity  by Heather Arnel Paulsen. After first reading it, I agreed with many of the author's ideas. I decided to revisit the book and this concept to see if my thoughts on it have changed. Critiques are in italics. Emotional Purity is similar to the concept of physical purity, with it being an inner aspect of yourself that can be given away to many people or saved for one person. Paulsen relates a story that some women she surveyed remembered their first love, but few of them married their first love. She mentions that many women can become "emotionally married in [their minds] in less than ten seconds" (pg 98). While women can become emotionally attached to men, the opposite can also be true. Additionally, not all women form emotional attachments within a few meetings or dates. If someone uses this book as a handbook for social gatherings,...

I’ve previously shared my thoughts on singleness and women’s ministry. I’d encourage you to read that before continuing to read this. As I thought back to the resources I used as a teen for purity and how to live well, I realized that most of them were written by married women. I did some brief research to see if I could find resources for Christian pre-teens and teens written by single women. Here are my findings: (I searched specifically for resources related to purity and puberty.) The Christian Girl’s Guide to Change Inside and Out by Rebecca Park Totilo (2016) It’s Great to be a Girl! A guide to your changing body By Dannah Gresh and Suzy Weibel (2015) Let’s Talk! Good stuff for girlfriends about God, guys, and growing up By Danae Dobson (2003) Follow up book is Let’s Walk the Talk! Girlfriend to girlfriend on faith, friendship, and finding real love (2009) Emotional Purity by Heather Arnel Paulsen (2007) Almost all of these authors are married w...

You may be wondering, "Why is she talking about modesty? Isn't that so 2016?" Well, I did write about modesty (specifically bikinis ) in 2016. But, according to a recent article detailing an opinion piece at the University of Notre Dame, this is still a relevant topic, especially for women in the church. Here is some context about me that will be helpful before we begin. I attended high school youth group at a Baptist church from 2010 to 2014. During that time, and even as a junior higher, one book that influenced me in this area was For Young Women Only  by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice. The authors cite research and focus groups to convince the reader that dressing modestly (and other topics) are biblical practices. We had at least one girls-only night where some leaders talked to us about modest dressing (for example, skirts and shorts at or below the knee, camisoles under v-neck shirts, and no spaghetti straps or bra straps showing). The goal of dressing modest...

Trigger warning: abuse, sexual immorality, violence It started to hit me when I saw the headline "Hundreds Accuse Independent Baptist Pastors of Abuse" (Christianity Today 2018). #MeToo and #ChurchToo were not new to me at this point, but I grew up in a Baptist church. Not an independent fundamental church, but still Baptist. I didn't know these women who survived abuse from their leaders, but I very well could have. Accountability for church leaders is necessary and valuable. Many Baptists prefer their leaders to have a lot of control and that their church exists independently from other churches, but these reports should cause them to consider a different structure. How does the Bible address sexual abuse? I used  OpenBible.info  to find most of these verses. 1 Cor. 6:18 ESV "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." Matt. 5:28 ESV "But I say to ...

It's hard to be single. I guess it could be worse. I'm in my 20s and am not yet considered a spinster. I can still attend young adult groups at church without getting weird looks. But what if I continue to be single into my 30s and beyond? How could that affect my relationship with the church? From what I've seen of women's ministry, many Bible studies and fellowship are centered around a woman's relationships with her husband and children. But what if you do not have either one? If you are used to looking to friends in college or a close-knit group at church for support, this could be alarming. Choices for ministry that deal with women relating to other women and to the world may be few and far between. I receive emails from a group called Faith.Full , the women's community of FaithGateway. These are often encouraging and speak to me but sometimes also discuss topics that may never be applicable. My relationship with God and the church matters whether or no...

This is a response to a friend's post of a diagram by The Flawless Project that encourages men and women to say nothing about a woman's bikini. Silence is not love. If you love people, you approach them because you care. Sure, you look great in a bikini. Does that mean it's appropriate for you to tell me to shut up if I don't agree with your wearing it? No. Encourage conversation. Yes, modesty feels old and out of place in today's society. It's more popular to ignore it. Do you want to talk about it constantly? No. Do I want to approach you about it? No. Unfortunately, clothing is a part of our lives. Some people care deeply about their everyday appearances. Shutting up is not the answer. Conversation may seem like it's getting us nowhere, but it's better than silence. I could type pages and pages about the workings of a man's brain, but, instead, I'll give you some resources. For Women Only  by Shaunti Feldhahn and For Young Women Only  by Sh...