A New Attitude for Women and Modesty
You may be wondering, "Why is she talking about modesty? Isn't that so 2016?" Well, I did write about modesty (specifically bikinis) in 2016. But, according to a recent article detailing an opinion piece at the University of Notre Dame, this is still a relevant topic, especially for women in the church.
Here is some context about me that will be helpful before we begin. I attended high school youth group at a Baptist church from 2010 to 2014. During that time, and even as a junior higher, one book that influenced me in this area was For Young Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice. The authors cite research and focus groups to convince the reader that dressing modestly (and other topics) are biblical practices. We had at least one girls-only night where some leaders talked to us about modest dressing (for example, skirts and shorts at or below the knee, camisoles under v-neck shirts, and no spaghetti straps or bra straps showing). The goal of dressing modestly was to protect us from becoming objects of lust and from boys who may look at us and have lustful thoughts. We don't want boys to see us and think lustfully about us. I remember one girl saying in the car afterward that she was visual as well, but we didn't discuss the potential for girls to struggle with lust that night. Some girls in my high school community used the phrase "modest is hottest."
I didn't hear any other views on modesty or purity until I started attending college. We discussed feminism, sexuality, and gender roles through conferences and class readings. I heard about women like Sarah Bessey who holds a more progressive stance on feminism and gender roles than I previously experienced.
Recent trends in feminism inside and outside the church and the #MeToo movement question whether or not modesty culture (more commonly referenced as purity culture—I'm not going to discuss purity today, just modesty, which is why I'm referring to it as so.) is related to rape or sexual abuse. This is food for thought. I won't be addressing that in this post.
I decided to talk to a woman at my new church about modesty. She is a mother of a college-aged woman. She had seen the same article about leggings at Notre Dame. We talked about lots of things—individualism, lust, fashion. I shared with her the overemphasis on modesty that I experienced, as well as the shaming and confrontations that can accompany it. I think that dressing modestly can be a good thing; however, I've carried the "rules" with me for a long time. I am ashamed of my body sometimes, even when I am not breaking any dress code. I also have a tendency to judge other women based on their clothes and to hold a "holier-than-thou" attitude when I'm dressing more modestly than they.
We are taught about modesty once during our pre-teen or teenage years (or if you break the "rules" of modest dressing, you may hear about it more than once) and possibly again during college.
This lesson is apparently supposed to last for our whole lives. If you break the "rules" in this environment, you may earn a few judgmental glances or maybe a well-meaning conversation with a (most likely older) woman, but that's the worst that could happen. Modesty doesn't matter as much when you get older. Do men find older women to be sexually attractive?
Should modesty be seen as an issue of the heart, even though it is proven through outward appearances?
If we want anything about these teachings to change, we need to be in conversation with older women and men. Otherwise, the same teachings could be passed along to the next generation.
One website I found with definitions for modesty culture is bellebrita.com.
Conservative Resources
Progressive Resources
If you've experienced different teachings on modesty than the ones I shared or if you're a leader and you've taught alternate views than the ones expressed today, I'd enjoy reading them. Do you have a favorite resource that I didn't share? Comment below or reach out to me on Twitter.
Here is some context about me that will be helpful before we begin. I attended high school youth group at a Baptist church from 2010 to 2014. During that time, and even as a junior higher, one book that influenced me in this area was For Young Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice. The authors cite research and focus groups to convince the reader that dressing modestly (and other topics) are biblical practices. We had at least one girls-only night where some leaders talked to us about modest dressing (for example, skirts and shorts at or below the knee, camisoles under v-neck shirts, and no spaghetti straps or bra straps showing). The goal of dressing modestly was to protect us from becoming objects of lust and from boys who may look at us and have lustful thoughts. We don't want boys to see us and think lustfully about us. I remember one girl saying in the car afterward that she was visual as well, but we didn't discuss the potential for girls to struggle with lust that night. Some girls in my high school community used the phrase "modest is hottest."
I didn't hear any other views on modesty or purity until I started attending college. We discussed feminism, sexuality, and gender roles through conferences and class readings. I heard about women like Sarah Bessey who holds a more progressive stance on feminism and gender roles than I previously experienced.
Recent trends in feminism inside and outside the church and the #MeToo movement question whether or not modesty culture (more commonly referenced as purity culture—I'm not going to discuss purity today, just modesty, which is why I'm referring to it as so.) is related to rape or sexual abuse. This is food for thought. I won't be addressing that in this post.
I decided to talk to a woman at my new church about modesty. She is a mother of a college-aged woman. She had seen the same article about leggings at Notre Dame. We talked about lots of things—individualism, lust, fashion. I shared with her the overemphasis on modesty that I experienced, as well as the shaming and confrontations that can accompany it. I think that dressing modestly can be a good thing; however, I've carried the "rules" with me for a long time. I am ashamed of my body sometimes, even when I am not breaking any dress code. I also have a tendency to judge other women based on their clothes and to hold a "holier-than-thou" attitude when I'm dressing more modestly than they.
We are taught about modesty once during our pre-teen or teenage years (or if you break the "rules" of modest dressing, you may hear about it more than once) and possibly again during college.
If a young girl leaves a youth group setting to attend college and/or enter a new season of life, and the lesson that sticks with her the most from that time is about what she should or should not wear, that is a problem.Once we enter into women's ministry and Bible studies outside of an age-specific environment, however, the conversation stops. When was the last time a group of women sat around and talked about modesty at a Bible study?
This lesson is apparently supposed to last for our whole lives. If you break the "rules" in this environment, you may earn a few judgmental glances or maybe a well-meaning conversation with a (most likely older) woman, but that's the worst that could happen. Modesty doesn't matter as much when you get older. Do men find older women to be sexually attractive?
Should modesty be seen as an issue of the heart, even though it is proven through outward appearances?
If we want anything about these teachings to change, we need to be in conversation with older women and men. Otherwise, the same teachings could be passed along to the next generation.
One website I found with definitions for modesty culture is bellebrita.com.
Conservative Resources
- Every Woman's Battle by Shannon Ethridge (WaterBrook 2009)
- Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot (Revell 2nd Edition 2013) *I found out about this book in an essay collection I read over the summer. This possibly influenced women a generation or so above me (Gen X).
- Modesty: More than a Change of Clothes by Martha Peace and Kent Keller (P & R Publishing 2015)
Progressive Resources
- Damaged Goods: New Perspectives on Christian Purity by Dianna E. Anderson (FaithWords 2015)
- Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement that Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free by Linda Kay Klein (Atria Books 2018)
- We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis by Mary DeMuth (releases Fall 2019 from Harvest House Publishers)
If you've experienced different teachings on modesty than the ones I shared or if you're a leader and you've taught alternate views than the ones expressed today, I'd enjoy reading them. Do you have a favorite resource that I didn't share? Comment below or reach out to me on Twitter.
Comments
Post a Comment