Marvelous Happy Things

 "Date someone at your church. I'm sure there's someone in the young adult group who's looking to date." "Group dates are a great way to get to know a lot of people." "Always carry money for a cab or prepare to call a friend if things go south." "Never meet him in a private place unless you know him really well." "He's a Christian-- so you won't have to worry about him making a move on you." Some of this advice is alright, while some of it is not. It's the more subtle situations that are difficult. If he isn't saying explicit comment x, y, or z, is he still "making a move?" Or is it a compliment? A difficult example of this is when comedian John Crist made comments to a woman while they were spending an afternoon together. She was later criticized by members of the general public for not understanding his suggestive meaning. Conversations about the current culture and dating safely are necessary, th...

Author's Note: Learning about the Bible and discipleship did take place in my youth group, though this post is not focused on these topics. Our leaders guided discussions as they should. To my friends: I hope this post brings back good memories and you laugh a little as I try to explain our friendships and romantic experiences. Was it normal for this much romantic activity to happen in one youth group? Feel free to comment with your thoughts.  My high school youth group had an interesting phenomenon. Our group had a lot of “lovesick” teens. Meaning that plenty of my friends dated people in our church or people from school and would bring them to church. We had a player in the group who flirted with several girls. Friends would see a pair who spent a lot of time together (whether it was on a retreat or a mission trip) and speculate on their relationship. None of our leaders encouraged the dating relationships, probably because most of them did not last. I remember a conversation b...

I first learned of the concept of emotional purity in high school (around 2013) after someone suggested I read the book Emotional Purity  by Heather Arnel Paulsen. After first reading it, I agreed with many of the author's ideas. I decided to revisit the book and this concept to see if my thoughts on it have changed. Critiques are in italics. Emotional Purity is similar to the concept of physical purity, with it being an inner aspect of yourself that can be given away to many people or saved for one person. Paulsen relates a story that some women she surveyed remembered their first love, but few of them married their first love. She mentions that many women can become "emotionally married in [their minds] in less than ten seconds" (pg 98). While women can become emotionally attached to men, the opposite can also be true. Additionally, not all women form emotional attachments within a few meetings or dates. If someone uses this book as a handbook for social gatherings,...

I was taught not to chase boys, but to wait for the "right one." I heard it from my family and some from my church as a teenager and have carried it with me into my young adult years. It's a passive waiting. I say, "I'm waiting for my future husband" to cover up the fact I'm not making much of an effort to meet men. I'm not dating anyone. I wait for them to come to me, but they don't. From what I've learned this semester through hearing a speaker's story, that's not realistic. Is there a solution? Is it a problem that leaders assure teens that they will find Mr. or Miss Right? Should they change the narrative? As one who grew up on Disney movies and rom-coms, is it possible for my siblings' kids to grow up with another narrative? It will take a conscious effort on the part of those who interact with children to change this. It could be difficult, but it's better for them than being blindsided later in life with the possibil...