Memories on Youth Group Dating

Author's Note: Learning about the Bible and discipleship did take place in my youth group, though this post is not focused on these topics. Our leaders guided discussions as they should.

To my friends: I hope this post brings back good memories and you laugh a little as I try to explain our friendships and romantic experiences. Was it normal for this much romantic activity to happen in one youth group? Feel free to comment with your thoughts. 

My high school youth group had an interesting phenomenon. Our group had a lot of “lovesick” teens. Meaning that plenty of my friends dated people in our church or people from school and would bring them to church. We had a player in the group who flirted with several girls. Friends would see a pair who spent a lot of time together (whether it was on a retreat or a mission trip) and speculate on their relationship.

None of our leaders encouraged the dating relationships, probably because most of them did not last. I remember a conversation between a friend and one of the leaders during a session. The friend was gesturing and mouthing words back and forth with a boy across the room. The leader told her to “stop flirting!” She said that she wasn’t. The leader responded that it looked like she was. We were never directly told that flirting was sinful. Maybe she was upset because it was happening in public?

Was the flirting that happened between some people harmful? Close male and female friendships were neither directly encouraged nor discouraged, unless we were on a mission trip and someone brought their significant other. Then it was encouraged for the boy or girl to make friends other than the person who brought them.

Our pastor chose to teach about dating each February during our Sunday morning meetings. I specifically remember being told not to say “I love you” to a significant other because of the pressure it added to the relationship. We also had several youth group (evening) sessions on the Song of Solomon, and, at one point, an older couple in the church came to our morning class to talk about sex and how to have a pure relationship. This was done in mixed company, and I remember feeling quite uncomfortable.

I saw a lot of my friends go through emotional heartache once breakups happened. Everyone in the group knew fairly quickly, especially if the couple was arguing in view of others during a trip. I don’t think my girl friends asked for guidance before moving from one relationship to the next. Many of them were open about their boyfriends and crushes. Since we had a lot of discussions about the couples in girl-only groups, I don’t know what the boys were told except for the shared sessions we had. I wonder if we simply found ourselves in these situations because of the personalities involved.