Memories on Youth Group Dating

Author's Note: Learning about the Bible and discipleship did take place in my youth group, though this post is not focused on these topics. Our leaders guided discussions as they should.

To my friends: I hope this post brings back good memories and you laugh a little as I try to explain our friendships and romantic experiences. Was it normal for this much romantic activity to happen in one youth group? Feel free to comment with your thoughts. 

My high school youth group had an interesting phenomenon. Our group had a lot of “lovesick” teens. Meaning that plenty of my friends dated people in our church or people from school and would bring them to church. We had a player in the group who flirted with several girls. Friends would see a pair who spent a lot of time together (whether it was on a retreat or a mission trip) and speculate on their relationship.

None of our leaders encouraged the dating relationships, probably because most of them did not last. I remember a conversation between a friend and one of the leaders during a session. The friend was gesturing and mouthing words back and forth with a boy across the room. The leader told her to “stop flirting!” She said that she wasn’t. The leader responded that it looked like she was. We were never directly told that flirting was sinful. Maybe she was upset because it was happening in public?

Was the flirting that happened between some people harmful? Close male and female friendships were neither directly encouraged nor discouraged, unless we were on a mission trip and someone brought their significant other. Then it was encouraged for the boy or girl to make friends other than the person who brought them.

Our pastor chose to teach about dating each February during our Sunday morning meetings. I specifically remember being told not to say “I love you” to a significant other because of the pressure it added to the relationship. We also had several youth group (evening) sessions on the Song of Solomon, and, at one point, an older couple in the church came to our morning class to talk about sex and how to have a pure relationship. This was done in mixed company, and I remember feeling quite uncomfortable.

I saw a lot of my friends go through emotional heartache once breakups happened. Everyone in the group knew fairly quickly, especially if the couple was arguing in view of others during a trip. I don’t think my girl friends asked for guidance before moving from one relationship to the next. Many of them were open about their boyfriends and crushes. Since we had a lot of discussions about the couples in girl-only groups, I don’t know what the boys were told except for the shared sessions we had. I wonder if we simply found ourselves in these situations because of the personalities involved. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Waiting, Not Dating Narrative

I was taught not to chase boys, but to wait for the "right one." I heard it from my family and some from my church as a teenager and have carried it with me into my young adult years. It's a passive waiting. I say, "I'm waiting for my future husband" to cover up the fact I'm not making much of an effort to meet men. I'm not dating anyone. I wait for them to come to me, but they don't. From what I've learned this semester through hearing a speaker's story, that's not realistic. Is there a solution? Is it a problem that leaders assure teens that they will find Mr. or Miss Right? Should they change the narrative? As one who grew up on Disney movies and rom-coms, is it possible for my siblings' kids to grow up with another narrative? It will take a conscious effort on the part of those who interact with children to change this. It could be difficult, but it's better for them than being blindsided later in life with the possibil...
Read more

Pretty Good, for a Woman in the Workplace

Here are the facts: I am currently the only woman on my team of three at work. I have never to my knowledge experienced discrimination   because of my gender. My boss' boss is a woman. I have conversations with many older men (35 and above) in my company. I am a small woman, under 5 feet tall. I have a higher voice than some of the women in my company. My feelings:  Sometimes I suspect that they (not my managers, but other men) think I can't handle physical tasks. "Do you need help with that box?" Sometimes I do need help, but then I wonder if they respect me or not for needing help. My managers rarely show strong emotions, such as sadness or stress-induced anger. Therefore, I feel that I am not able to show many emotions in front of them, for fear of being perceived as weak or pitied. Sometimes I feel pressure to push through my tasks so that I stay under their radar and in good favor with them. I wonder if they see me as a potential leader or only being ...
Read more

High School Musical Songs Ranked, Part 2

 The time has come for the next round of HSM Songs, Ranked. This tier is HSM: The Concert (minus Zac). Again, these are in no particular order. See if you can guess which original film is my least favorite. You are the Music in Me (Sharpay's Version)- Sure, Sharpay can flaunt her choreography, but the fact that Troy has zero idea of what he needs to do during this means it isn't winning any "awards." And since she is in costume, this could be a dress rehearsal. Bonus point for the fog machine or pyro that startles Troy. Gotta Go My Own Way- #2 in Gabriella's songs list, although this is technically a duet. Bonus point for the dramatic acting from both characters. Everyday- This is a nice group song, but it is a little sleepy. I guess we could cut them some slack as this is a talent show performance at a formal event. (I suspect they sing a reprise of this as they look at the stars and Troy and Gabriella almost kiss, but I haven't seen that scene enough to know...
Read more

Unspoken

Silence. For some people, it's painful. For a select few, it can be comforting, depending on the situation. "Why don't you talk?" As an introvert I've definitely heard that one before. The answer is always a struggle. I could be snarky and say, "your conversation isn't worth it," but then I'm alienating him or her and that person leaves thinking that I'm rude. I could say, "because I have nothing to say." A lot of times, it's true. I'm not good at small talk when I can't add to the conversation, which means that usually some "awkward silence" accompanies my conversations. I realize that silence makes people uncomfortable, and it sometimes leads me to ramble and then apologize for rambling. I don't always feel the need to apologize for my silence. The majority of the people that I love thrive on conversation. Am I hurting them by stifling that? At times, that has probably been the case. I'm unsure how...
Read more